Discussion: rogaine-themed Monopoly chance cards

Decorating an old Monopoly board game, with properties being control locations in the upcoming Raccoongaine. The lower-point controls will be the lower value properties, and the higher-point controls will be the higher value properties. Deed cards will have symbolic form descriptions. Board game printed in the middle of the board replaced with this, printed in font Kabel.

Need some ideas and input on what the Chance cards and Community Chest cards should say.

For example: "You lost the control card at the last control. Go back to retrieve it and lose a turn".

So Chance cards are mostly negative, and Community Chest mostly positive?

List of Chance cards

List of Community Chest cards

Chance:
Mispunch!
Parallel error
Compass breaks
Lost map
shoe rips
blister
Course Voided (positive?)
Wrong map at start
SI fails—no one believes you
Attack Badger!
Illegal GPS! Disqualified!
High Water—Must swim (minus x minutes)
Texas Thicket!
Cincinnati Mud!
San Francisco Hills!
Laramie Headwind!
Colorado Air! Wheezing!
Trap Leg!
Bad Route Choice
Kansas Thorns!
Truckee Snow!
Fooled by Elephant Tracks!
New Uniform Sucks—Lose 5 minutes
Canadian Nationals first leg—Lose 5 minutes

Community Chest:
Train forms
Favorable Dogleg—You notice competitor leaving control
Unmapped trail through green
Find GU and water in forest
Awesome New Uniform—saves five minutes
You stop to help competitor with stick impaled in leg---Sporting Withdrawal!
Helped by Elephant tracks!
You pick best possible route
Best Map Ever
White Open Forest
Competitor gives away difficult control
Laramie Tailwind!
Billygoat Skills: You look at map, stutter step, and pack passes you. You drop the pack!
You hear Jimi Hendrix over the PA and relocate!
Home Map!
Gookinaid at Water Control!

You've got to make a fairly even amount of positive and negative chance and community chest cards, but those descriptions look pretty good.

One idea to even out the cards might be to have common "Causes" but have a positive and negative card for each Cause (or most of them anyway).

Texas Thicket
You get hopelessly stuck in thorns
You find unmapped trail through the green

Canadian Nationals first leg
Lose 5 minutes
Spike! 5 minute lead

Also, someone needs to invent a term for a Southern Rotten Stump Hole. Either an acronym like FDF or something less derogatory than Umstead Knee Breaker. Stump Mine. NSSM ("Nissim"): Negative Space Stump Mine.

Seed Season
Lycra ruined!
Old-School Pajama O'Suit: Seeds don't stick: No problem, except embarrassment.

You've just given me some ideas on my next themed rogaine course! I did a breakfast cereal one last year where I "hid" cereal boxes near controls and you got bonus points depending on the fat content (or maybe it was sugar, I forget).

here are some images of the Chance cards