Training Log Archive: iansmith

I recently saw The Last of the Mohicans, which I read some time ago. I don't remember the book well enough to compare the representations of events. A few things I enjoy about the movie:

1. The classical "noble savage" ideal and the theme and commentary on encroachment upon and destruction of the wilderness by civilization
2. The music is excellent and articulates the wild, irresistible quality of nature. The main theme (alternate version) and the dance-like theme are stirring pieces that I enjoy. While the trumpets and high strings of the main theme are impressive, the low strings and percussion in both pieces sublimely drive the effect.
3. The movie emphasizes the love story between Hawkeye and Cora; I found this touching, if two-dimensional. Cora is (given the social context) a strong female character, unwilling to compromise her judgment.

One of my favorite messages from the movie, spoken by the adopted father of the main character; it has a regretful view of the irresistible changes happening in North America:
Chingachgook: The frontier moves with the sun and pushes the Red Man of these wilderness forests in front of it until one day there will be nowhere left. Then our race will be no more, or be not us. The frontier place is for people like my white son and his woman and their children. And one day there will be no more frontier. And men like you will go too, like the Mohicans. And new people will come, work, struggle. Some will make their life. But once, we were here.

But once, we were here.

While I disdain logging many different components of the same activity, I reset my gps after each of the stages, and I wanted to retain all the tracks without maintenance.

I ran to the Harvard track for a tempo workout with Lori and Alex, but the Harvard track was ripped up. Jonathan and Mark (who were there for the CSU interval workout) graciously gave us and SGB a ride to Danehy Park. After a quick warmup and a magic 400, I ran 4x1000 at threshold pace with 200m rest while reading a map Alex printed of the karst terrain in Croatia.

I joined Lori and Alex for a ten minute core workout. During the workout, a small dog wearing a leash but without an attached person ran past us as her owner frantically called for help. I jumped up and took off after the dog; while I had to run hard to catch the dog, it wasn't difficult to keep up. I considered trying to step on the leash, but I thought I might overshoot, trip, or hurt the dog, so I dove and grasped the leash with my hands. Many people nearby were paying attention to the proceedings, and the dive apparently looked impressive. The owner was very grateful; Alex suggested I could have obtained her phone number, but I didn't know much about her except that her dog has tremendous enthusiasm for freedom, and that hardly seemed sufficient data for interaction.

Jonathan gave me some advice about training for the marathon - adding longer runs in excess of 2 hours and the importance of threshold intervals.

C • that hardly seemed sufficie... 3

I was in the mood for a more arduous run than my typical evening run, so I ran a river loop from the Kennedy St. Bridge to the Harvard Bridge. Conditions were muggy - 25 C with a dew point of 22 C, so even while I ran shirtless in running shorts, I was drenched in perspiration. I am tremendously thankful for air conditioning.

I listened to The Guns of August. It's remarkable how events transpired in World War I; it seems that the leadership in government could not have contrived a more horrible and devastating sequence of events than what occurred. The chaotic implications of seemingly decisions have tremendous potential for snowballing in military circumstances with top down decision-making and information analysis; in particular, the voyage of the German battlecruiser Goeben and the series of poor decisions made by the British leadership had massive consequences. Among other things, Prime Minister Asquith's delay of a few hours in the delivery of an ultimatum of Belgian Neutrality to Germany arguably resulted in the Ottoman Empire's entrance into World War I, the bloody Caucasus campaign, and the Armenian genocide of ~ 1 million innocent civilians. War is indeed hell.

I also pondered the RANSAC algorithm, which is a pretty sexy way of fitting polynomials to noisy data.

I don't like ticks; among arthropod parasites, I find their bite least appealing. Their stealthy, disease-carrying, insidious nature disgusts me. There is great incentive for me to avoid encounters with ticks, because diagnosis with lyme disease or babesiosis would restrict my blood donation privileges.

I maintain a journal, primarily so I can have perspective on the global changes and direction of my life. I want to remember what I did on a particular, with whom I interacted, and what I was thinking about. Too often I have had interesting thoughts that went unrecorded. I think that a journal that recorded all the wikipedia articles I read that day would be concisely illuminating.

C • ticks 4

Brendan and I paired up for the NEOC New England Canoe Orienteering Championships on the Assabet River at Crow Island in Stow, MA. The start was at the Crow Island airfield. At the meet, I ran into a number of orienteering friends including Pia, Mark, Aims, Scott Turner, Sam Levitin, and Andy Hall. I met Andy McIlvaine, the NEOC mapping chair with whom I will be working extensively. We were obliterated by Andy Hall and his partner's time of 77 minutes.

The race itself was good fun. While the water had significant subsurface vegetation (duckweed, I think) that created drag on our boat, the vista was beautiful. The woods were pleasant, the day was gorgeous, and much of the vegetation was flowering and in full bloom. While Brendan and I cannot compete on the level of Andy Hall and other more seasoned canoers, we nonetheless had a very pleasant morning.

Brendan ran to control 4, which was at the top of a hill, and we met up at control 5. Later, I dropped him off to get 10 and 11 and paddled ahead to our rendezvous. In both cases, I found the novelty of paddling a C2 solo appealing, but several minutes of solo work sated my enthusiasm. Kayaking or C1 would probably be more fun. We also portaged over a kilometer to the head of a river; the canoe had a yoke, and we each took a turn. I carried the canoe for the first and last thirds.

C • Canoe O technique..... 6

C • Duckweed 4

Biking to Carlisle High School in Concord to rendezvous with Cristina for a 5k. I failed to turn at the intersection of the Cambridge Turnpike and the Concord Turnpike and was a very short distance from Walden Pond.

I paced Cristina for a 5k. We were shooting for a 22:00 time, but we fell a little behind. Conditions were warm and sunny. I listened to the 172 bpm podrunner mix "Heaven's Gate." It currently is the fastest techno mix on my mp3 player; I will download some 180 bpm mixes for interval and time trial sessions.

After the 5k, Cristina and I went to Helen's, a sandwich place in the center of Concord. We had some wonderful conversation about wide range of topics. There are a number of people - in orienteering and otherwise - whom I have met and established a meaningful connection despite very infrequent interaction. Cristina is a good example of this; while certainly some events over the past year have resonated and affected us directly, we don't often get to see each other. I wish I were better at building these sorts of meaningful connections, because while there exists a limit to the volume of social interaction I can maintain, there are so many wonderful people flitting in and out of my life. Put another way, it increases my utility to have these sorts of interactions with people.

I unwisely failed to apply sunscreen, and the result is a sleeveless burn on my arms and some burn on my face and neck.

Running around with Cristina before the time trial. Good conversation about her trip to New Zealand, e.g.

On the way home, there was a very large hill that I descended at the base of which was a traffic light. Most unfortunately, the light turned red just as I peaked at 47 kph, and I had to brake immediately and shed so much precious kinetic energy.

The Minuteman was lively both times I traversed it; I found it encouraging in a very general way to briefly interact with so many people. I passed a older man on a fast looking bike on the way back. He drafted off me for the next few km, but then shot ahead at a speed nearly faster than I could maintain. He passed me about 35 minutes into the GPS track; I pushed as hard as I continuously could to keep up. It was fun; I stayed with him until we passed Alewife, wished him well, then parted.

It is exhilarating to attack a physical challenge wholeheartedly. Running, orienteering, or biking as fast and hard as I can is a wonderful feeling. It may be a physiological response - the runner's high or endorphins; it may be a mental response after the fact to the anguish of the effort, but it is so rewarding. I contrast this with my response to walking, where I am solving an optimization function - get to a destination as quickly as possible while minimizing discomfort from perspiration (e.g.). It would have been great to have more company on the bike ride (and I would not have treated it so aggressively), but solitude can be rewarding.

I woke up without enthusiasm. I consciously decided to go for a run, as I had planned, partly to combat this lethargy. I am not a "morning person," which is to say that I wake up sluggishly and am more motivated in the evening. I reject the notion that we either must be morning or evening people; I want to be at full capability all day.

It should be noted that I donated a unit of whole blood shortly after this run.

Before meeting Audrey and Wade for a ride to rehearsal, I managed a quick, late afternoon run. Conditions were muggy - 29 C with a dew point of 18 C, and while I was running in my sleeveless shirt and running shorts, I struggled greatly with the heat. I am motivated by the hope that training in a wide variety of conditions will prepare me for races; I must prepare for the possibility that it will be warm and humid when I run the Hartford Marathon. My body also ached from the short circuit workout yesterday; muscles I didn't realize I had were protesting the run.

I listened to The Warded Man for the second time and pondered convergence of random variables and measure theory.

C • Hartford Marathon 4

Warmup and drills before Alex's body weight circuit exercises.

Giovanni, Katia, Alex, Lori, and I ran to a nearby park before the CSU A-meet meeting, and Alex led us through a set of ten body weight exercises. The exercises were arduous, but I did my best to fight on. I wish to face this challenge more often (in appropriate clothes), and I strive to improve my technique. Afterward, we had a fantastic dinner, good company, and a productive planning meeting.

I find poetry and music (e.g. requiems, elegies, Nimrod from Enigma Variations, Mahler 6) very stirring and powerful; I relish the magnificent, beautiful sadness and sentiments typically expressed therein. Perhaps it is that these composers and authors were often musing on death and endings, and they poured their emotions into their works. I love these pieces in appropriate proportion with art expressing other emotions.

When I read a poem like this one, I am struck by the strength and magnitude of the sentiment - "Think of all you planned to do...", "God! and is it time to go?", "There is still the greater drink." I think the poem is eloquent and stirring as a work of art, but what I glean from the poem is not sadness and despair, but hope. Life is an opportunity, a set possibilities. When the day comes that this poem describes my life, I will have an answer for "think of all you planned to do... Have you done the best you can?" I will have a lifetime of memories, of joys, of sorrows, of shared moments with people and loved ones, of quests, of success, of failure, of love; I will have the sum total of what my life has been, and I will remember it in its completeness gladly; I will not evaluate my life with despair.

May it be that I do not live it or remember alone.

I went on an evening run to clear my head and continue my book. I felt somewhat weak and moved sluggishly, though I completed the run without difficulty. I had many things to think about, including Asymmetric Adaboost and the methods with which we respectively choose partners and spouses. Against my better judgment and in the interest of accuracy, I will also note that after I returned to my apartment, I ran upstairs, grabbed some money, and moseyed down to Anna's for a recovery burrito. At Anna's, the background music was Lady Antebellum's I need you now which is vaguely appropriate. I consciously identified the song for the first time this weekend, on the car ride with Ross and Lori.

My training and performance fail to match the ardor of my competitive spirit. I enjoy playful banter, and the mental stimulus of competition drives me in the heat of the moment. This year, however, I mean for my preparation to match my will. The first action of this campaign will be ARDF 2010.

Ross and Alex organized and planned a training day at Pawtuckaway. Giovanni, Katia, Ali, Dean, Lori, Presto and I also came, and we had two great training sessions. The deer flies made life difficult, but the session was nonetheless very constructive. We had good socializing, food, conversation, and laughs all around. When a police car came by because someone had gotten hurt hiking near the boat ramp, we came together as a unit to conceal Presto's presence. I don't think it ultimately mattered, but even a diligent ranger would have been defeated by our efforts. We all went swimming after we finished, which was wonderful - particularly since I had chosen to run in all black. The session was compact and efficient, with two hours of focused orienteering in nine hours of time, and the socializing was priceless.

The first session of the CSU Pawtuckaway training day trip was a route choice course done the same way as the second exercise on Day 1 of the April Pawtuckaway Training Camp; the official course length was about 6.2 km. In groups, we discussed possible routes and planned each leg. I talked with Alex and Dean, and we all decided to skip controls 6 and 7. The exercise was very constructive, with a combination of large scale route choice decisions and small scale reading trying to fit the detail of Pawtuckaway to our plans. Ross set an excellent course, and ran off about twenty minutes before the rest of us to set the streamers, all of which were in place when I visited the controls. I would have preferred fewer deer flies and cooler temperatures, but they added to the challenge. I definitely prefer Pawtuckaway in the spring and fall.

I had some difficulty mentally focusing on the objective while I was running. Particularly in an area as technical as Pawtuckaway, lack of focus prohibits accurate execution. I blundered on control 1, deviating from my plan to attack down the reentrant and marsh. I relocated off the water course south of the control, then saw the feature from near the marsh. I saw Lori, Presto, and Alex as I was leaving the control.

The first part of the leg to control 2 required skirting the edge of a large swamp inlet over heavily contoured, rugged ground. I made the traverse, though not quickly, and attacked the control from a pond to the ridge and down into the reentrant. I should have planned that, because the ridge was a very prominent, visible feature, but my plan was more direct, and again, I did not execute it. Borrowing from Ali and Lori's discussion, I planned the most reliable route to 3 that I saw - I ran along the trail to a wall, then followed the wall to a junction very near the flag. I was clean, though the climb along the wall was arduous.

I seem to have difficulty counting under race conditions, or I am too ready to discard my recollection of the route in favor of local observations. The route to Control 4 made extensive use of linear features; I followed three large, parallel cliffs down a reentrant. However, after passing the second cliff, I saw a swamp - which I thought was after the third. So, I presumed I had hit the third cliff, and proceeded to attack up the hill. Beyond the hill, I saw the *actual* swamp, and had to rectify my error. The climb up the hill to 4 was more severe than the map suggested. I ran into Katia on this leg.

I executed correctly on the rest of my legs, though I was moving sluggishly in the heat and given the deer flies. I hesitated for some time on the way to control 9. After the rock wall left of the line, I hit a swamp, and I couldn't decide if it was the large, green swamp that I wanted on my right or the smaller one that should have been to my left. I eventually figured it out (it was the former), and completed my assault on the control; I had passed Alex earlier on the leg, but caught her ahead of me after my blunder.

At 11, I had trouble lining up the features on the map to those around me near the circle. I did arrive at a boulder with a small streamer adjacent to it; I decided to confirm it was the correct location, and checked some nearby features. Control 12 was uneventful, if slow; I waited for Alex and we rehung the streamer.

C • Counting features when orienteering 5

Alex set the afternoon exercise, which was originally planned as a session of O-intervals like the session at the CSU Harriman camp. We were suffering from the conditions, so Alex modified the course to a memory exercise. I paired up with Ross; for each control, one person would navigate from memory while the other followed along on the map and memorized the next leg.

One aspect of the exercise I really appreciated was the requirement to build a complete mental picture. Ordinarily, when you can look at your map whenever you want, it is possible to build a plan without considering all the relevant information. Since that information is available at a glance, there isn't as much impetus to complete the mental image, and so information is discarded. With a memorization exercise, you must complete the image - the route, catching features, check points, the control feature, distance, direction, and so on. Some parts were very challenging for me - memorizing a leg while running and following along, remembering all the detail and important information and figuring out how to simplify without forgetting too much to run the leg.

Ross graciously didn't push too hard for me to keep up, and we made good time. It felt somewhat cooler than it had in the morning, and the deer flies troubled me less - whether because I had adjusted, because there were two meals instead of one, or because they were less active. Having a running buddy to discuss routes, problems, and to enjoy the woods also made this a more pleasant run than the morning.

Run to the start and from the finish of the second exercise with Ali, Alex, and Ross.

There wasn't much group enthusiasm for rock climbing, I didn't want to go solo (though I will eventually), and I judged the temperatures too hot for a Minuteman bike expedition. In the future, I must get up early on weekends to do long outdoor activities comfortably.

I think it would be fascinating to have a conversation with the Ian from the day I die. Assuming he still had his mental faculties, imagine the perspective he would bring to the actions and trends of my life. It would offer something resembling a global optimal perspective on my local decisions. What would probably be more accurate and less susceptible to small deviations in Ian's attitude and reflections would be a community algorithm in which the distribution of Ians over the course of my life were sampled for their reactions to individual actions in hindsight. I am curious to see how the next (say 60 or quite possibly 80) years will affect my thinking and attitudes. What will I know then that I do not understand now? What will I care about? How will I meet my end? Of course this thought experiment would be useless if my death should come tomorrow from a Fedex truck or a tragic bowling accident.

In Star Trek II, Kirk is forced to face death as Spock sacrifices himself. The line "how we face death is at least as important as how we face life" sums up one of the themes of the movie. The reminder of our own mortality, of our finiteness presents a context for the actions and events in our lives. Of course, we could go our lives only confronting death at the infrequent instances when a loved one - friend, relative or pet - is taken from us. Or, as Picard says in Star Trek VII: "Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. I rather believe that time is a companion who goes with us on the journey and reminds us to cherish every moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we've lived. After all Number One, we're only mortal."

Star Trek, at its best, was a significant philosophical influence in my early life.

C • Me too... 7

Biking to a festive gathering at Alex's. There was a good showing, including Ali, Ross, Sam, Katia, Giovanni, and Alex's non-orienteering friends Dave, Callie, Mario, Tiffany, and Manny. I brought lemon asparagus, the recipe for which I found online.

Riding along the river was very pleasant, and I was moving at full speed for much of the trip. Traffic lights, unexpected turns, and inattentive pedestrians slowed me down, but I managed to achieve a top speed of about 30 kph.

Biking from Alex's gathering to the Dudley orchestra concert. I achieved a top speed of 31 mph flying down the hill immediately northeast of Alex's place. In the absence of uphill obstacles and despite traffic, I moved quickly.

Hahaha - John Cleese on World football and American football:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sD_8prYOxo&feature...

I went to Sears' today to purchase socks and shorts. At the checkout counter, the cashier gave me the usual spiel - asking me if I wanted a credit card, special offers and so on. She lacked enthusiasm; she was worn out and was probably just doing what was necessary to make it to the end of her shift. I wonder what her hopes and dreams are, what she ponders, and how she will look back on her life near the end. I wonder if she spends any time reflecting on her life, on her condition, wondering about the nature of things. I wonder if she is happy. Are she and I so different?

Evening run around the river. Conditions were clear and warm: 26 C, 48% humidity. I ran shirtless for much of the run. I felt tired in the aftermath of my activity yesterday, and my right calf continued to bother me. I'm going to RICE it, and I will not run. Alex was suggesting that I should rest, which is a bad sign (though I think she's more rational about the injuries of others).

I continued The Desert Spear, though I found several sections gratuitous, repugnant, and unpleasant. I need to get new insoles for my current Asics running shoes so I can stop using my track shoes for general training.

Curiously, my chest, shoulders, and abs hurt, I suspect from a combination of the supplementary strength training I have done over the past few days and from the hard intensity of intervals and racing. Perhaps my heart rate strap can give me some support.

C • what? 2

Warmup before the mile. I did a bit more after this - perhaps 15-20 minutes total, but I forgot to restart my GPS.

Mile race at the Adrian Martinez Classic. More on this later.

200m splits:
39.4 (209m)
40.2
42.1
42.0
41.0
41.9
39.6
34.5

Picture, courtesy of Tim Parson; click for a larger version:


The results say that I finished in 5:25.81, but I'm quite sure that's incorrect - I saw the clock as I passed the finish line. I think it likely that they accidentally permuted the finishing order. I passed a pack of runners in the last 200, so I suspect I was the 5:20:48 runner. Congratulations to Ross, Alex, Bill, and Tim, all of whom had fine showings.

C • speedy! 4

For most of my life, I have desired to be strong: to have resilience, fortitude, and perseverance in every aspect of my life. I think my original motivation was my from my youth; people who were competent to face challenge were prepared for life and the difficulties and opportunities it presented. In my youth, I focused on mental strength: on knowledge, reason, and intellect. I pondered areas of my life and asked questions of myself. As I grew older, I sought to be strong emotionally, socially, physically, organizationally. I wanted the capacity to lead people, the ability to connect on many levels with individuals, the power to face physical obstacles and overcome them. I wanted to have a general measure of competence in every aspect of my life. That has contributed to competitive nature; competition offers refinement and development of skill. You can observe how others face problems and learn from them.

The obvious question both of this approach to challenges and of early schooling in general is to what end you are preparing. Strength is useless without purpose; the reason to build strength is to achieve some objective. That objective may be simply surviving the obstacles of life or accomplishing some great deed. Perhaps it is enough to pursue life seeking happiness, enriching the lives of and loving others and in turn being enriched by them, solving problems, and righting wrongs and injustices. Maybe maximizing our global utility function is a good objective, a valid purpose for our preparation and existence. Seeking a righteous life raises questions about the nature of our moral code; I will share a summary of my thoughts in a later entry.

In the interim, perhaps bereft of a well-defined goal, I will continue to aspire to strength.

C • Maybe 2

Benford's Law of Controversy:
Passion is inversely proportional to the amount of real information available.

Clearly, I need to read Timescape.

While I was initially reluctant to go running, I decided that I both needed to continue my training and take time to think. My audiobook, The Desert Spear, beckoned to me, and I prefer to run while I listen than sit idly.

My lower right calf intermittently twinges with pain. It is a bit higher than my Achilles' tendon, but I am concerned there may be a serious problem. My training regimen has not been severe in the past 8 weeks (about when the problem started), so I don't think rest and ice will have much effect. I may see my doctor about it if it continues. On an entirely unrelated note, I'm running a mile race tomorrow. Yay prudence.

I finished the session with a stop at a playground, where I did 20 pullups, 50 crunches, and 24 pushups.

I ran to the CSU Interval workout, which was at Danehy Park this week. I unwisely ate a burrito about 90 minutes before the start of the track workout.

CSU interval workout. The objective was to run the pyramid at 3k to 5k pace - about 3:45/km for me, or 90 second 400s. My timing was all over the place, but I did have fun. I ran with Ross, and he waited for me to catch up during the 200m rests. It was very motivating to have a running buddy.

Splits / 200 m rest time
400 m: 1:20.8 / 1:15.7
600 m: 2:05.0 / 1:36.5
800 m: 2:54.0 / 1:21.3
1000m: 3:44.4 / 1:26.4
800 m: 2:44.9 / 2:00.9 (Ross was chasing; I pushed hard)
600 m: 2:30.1 / 1:22.1
400 m: 1:26.9 / 1:40.1

800m magic: 3:04.2

Ross and I joined Alex for some Jospinator Core Workout of Doom. Let it be known that I am a total pansy.

1 minute: plank
2x1 minute: crunches with one foot raised to the opposite knee, reverse;
2x1 minute: side plank, each side
1 minute: flutterkicking
2x1 minute: oblique crunches, with knees rotated to one side, reverse;
1 minute: back plank
1 minute: Superman

I ran home after the interval session, and immediately got lost. My sense of direction was good enough that wandering led me to Mass Ave. I continued The Desert Spear, the sequel to The Warded Man. Perhaps I should log the books I have read on attackpoint; I would remember the set better. Currently contemplating the utilitarian properties and origins of a system or morality and how to live a purposeful life.

I went on an easy morning run and continued The Warded Man. The characters are compelling, and during this run, a series of unfortunate events happened to several of them. I reluctantly stopped listening (despite seeking resolution) as my run ended.

At the NEOC Annual General Meeting today, I was elected to the Board of Directors. Also elected were Dan Westerberg, Pete Frykman, Samantha Saeger, and Barb Bryant, the first three of whom were incumbents. The Board then elected its own officers, and the results are:

President: Pete Lane
Chairman: Barb Bryant
Treasurer: Jim Paschetto
Clerk: Dan Westerberg
Other members: Joanne Sankus, Pete Frykman, Jason Tong, Samantha Saeger, Ian Smith

I am very grateful to everyone in the club who took an interest in the elections process. I will make some mention on attackpoint of my goals and progress because it affects the greater community, I welcome feedback and commentary, I desire accountability, and there isn't presently a more appropriate public forum for those remarks.

My immediate goals are publishing documentation pertaining to club operation and function (bylaws, election policies, position descriptions, etc) by October 2010 and developing a mapping schedule by December 2010. Formulating a mapping schedule will require assessing several metrics for each map, locating mappers, and making the appropriate fund allocations to begin the remapping process for 2011.

Thank-you all for your support and interest, particularly for the NEOC members who took the time to come to the meeting and those who proxy voted. Many remarks were made at the meeting; if you have any questions about them that I can help answer (or comments in general), please e-mail me.

C • Food for thought 6

Running course 1 of the NEOC pre-Annual General Meeting courses. One of the controls was hung on the wrong cliff, and I spent a bit of time looking for it, but the course was great fun. The trials were omitted from the map, adding to the technical challenge. It didn't significantly hinder me, since I know the park very well.

Course 2, which was on a contours-only map. I blazed through the course except at control five in a thick reentrant, at which I lost about a minute. Bill Pullman and I converged on a trail together leading to the finish, but he was moving faster than I was, and I failed to overtake him.

Picking up controls, initially with PG.

C • Yeah, but I realized right ... 3

As per khall's request, I am enumerating my objectives and implementation as a NEOC Board member. I am running for the Board because there are immediate challenges the club faces that I want to address, because there are aspects of existing policy that are unsatisfactory, and because I want to advance the club and orienteering in New England.

My particular agenda:
1. Execute a program to revitalize existing maps, including making some maps from scratch. Ensure that standards exist allowing for presentation of NEOC maps and courses online to promote orienteering and motivate discussion in the community.

2. Expand the local meet schedule, recruit additional individuals to set meets, and support directors with education, preparation, and resources. There are 20 C-meets scheduled for 2010; I set the goal of 25 for 2011 with at least five new meet directors.

3. Implement a training program for all levels of orienteers with training camps and formal course review after local meets. I set the goal of two open training camps in 2011.

4. Make public all documentation and activities of the Board of Directors and redirect the efforts of the Board to be more consistent with the expectations and interest of NEOC membership.


On implementation:
1. In my judgment, the single greatest difficulty NEOC presently faces is the poor quality of many of our maps. We have sufficient funds to revitalize many of these maps; the limiting factor is available mappers. I have contacted several mappers and clubs inquiring about availability of mapper for these efforts.

I intend to visit and evaluate all of NEOC's maps by 31 December 2010 and rank the maps according to the quality of the existing map, the viability of the terrain for meets, and the accessibility - how often would a map be used, and how difficult it is to acquire permission. Based on that, the maps most in need of revision would be slated for the first mapping activities. I will find competent mappers also by the end of the year and devise a schedule considering mapper availability and funding from NEOC that would begin remapping parks in earnest by the spring of 2011.

Once mapper availability has been ascertained, the quality of the maps assessed, and funds allocated, a schedule could be presented to the club for when new or updated maps will become available.

2. Many members of the club are willing and able to set meets, but lack experience. The current method for recruiting volunteers is highly impersonal; I will set about finding additional volunteers by meeting individually with members and devising arrangements compatible with their availability. Many people will happily volunteer if they are encouraged - if they receive a phone call with options and requests for time and effort.

Equally importantly, new meet directors should be given every available resource to help them put on a successful meet. More experienced directors - of which there are many - can mentor intermediate setters, review courses, and guide them through the process of setting a meet. We do not regularly use many of the maps that we have; I will devise a meet schedule with a more diverse set of locations.

3. Training and mentoring is one of the best ways to advance and grow as an orienteer. NEOC has in the past organized beginner events, but the support of intermediate and advanced orienteers is lacking. I will advance a calendar with a few day training camps targeted at all levels of orienteers. In the past three years, CSU has implemented a broad set of training activities, including a regular training group and several public training camps at Pawtuckaway and Harriman. I would like to see training collaboration between CSU and NEOC to give a growth opportunities for orienteers interested in advancing their technical skills. There is also opportunity for expanded collaboration with WCOC and UNO.

In the same vein, I will advance policy that will make NEOC maps more available to members and orienteers who want to train. While land access will be a constraint, many parks are on lands where small training groups can regularly meet without explicit permission. I will publicize these constraints so small groups can train with minimal overhead.

4. I am very grateful for the efforts of everyone who has served as is serving on the NEOC Board of Directors. Managing an organization like NEOC is a difficult task, and the Board gives freely of their time and effort to build up the organization. While I appreciate all their hard work and dedication, I have grievances with some of their recent actions; I consider them to be inconsistent with the best interest of the club, and I mean to change policy to advance the club.

I am dissatisfied with the level of documentation and transparency of the activities of the Board. It is difficult to find documents as fundamental as the bylaws, and the current election problems have only been worsened by the poor communication and documentation. I have been unable to find documents describing the existing process for election, including the power of the Board of Directors to constrain the announced candidates for election via the Nominating Committee. This hinders the ability of the club to advance an agenda and hold the leadership accountable. I will publicize all non-confidential Board documentation, including bylaws, position descriptions, enumeration of committees, and elections documentation on the website and provide an online forum where members can discuss issues.

The current leadership has not effectively represented the interests of club members. At the 2010 US Ski-O champs, several NEOC members spearheaded by Aims Coney sought to involve NEOC in the formal organization of the event in collaboration with other orienteering clubs. My understanding is that because of failure to adhere to established procedure, the NEOC Board disassociated NEOC from the activity, effectively undermining the efforts of several club members. The event was a great success despite the actions of the Board of Directors. It is difficult to precisely confirm the sequence of events, since no public documentation exists describing the Board's actions.

Similarly, efforts were made by Board members to remove NEOC maps from the internet in the interest of protecting our intellectual property. These efforts were not executed with the full backing of the Board and are not in the best interest of the club. Many NEOC members post their courses and routes for review, discussion, and education, and this is an integral component of the orienteering community and learning process. It is the responsibility of the Board to establish a robust policy advancing the best interests of the club, and I am unsatisfied with the efforts thus far.

Finally, the sequence of events leading up to the elections flagrantly exceeds the mandate of the Board, and I am unsatisfied with the response this issue has received. The elections policy should be publicly documented, and if it is as bizarrely contrived as has been claimed by the Board, then it should be updated to better conform to the notion of an open election. Despite numerous inquiries, I still do not know who is on the Nominating Committee, nor have I seen any documents illustrating the Board's authority with respect to regulating candidates for election.

C • Thank you 4

A group comprised of Giovanni, Katia, Lori, Presto and me hiked the Franconia Ridge loop. We hiked up the Falling Waters trail, summitted Little Haystack, Mt. Lincoln, and Mt Lafayette, and hiked down the Old Bridle Trail. Despite (perhaps because of) some low lying cloud cover, the vistas were breathtakingly beautiful. The total transit time was about 6.5 hours; we left the parking lot at about 7:30 AM and returned at about 2 PM. We stopped to eat lunch on the way down at the lodge and did break intermittently for pictures and food. The descent was rocky and had poor footing on many slick bare rock surfaces; I would not have wanted to take it much faster than we did.

Sent to the NEOC Board (in response to other e-mails discussing the present circumstances):

Thanks for your remarks, Pete; I know you must be busy, and I'm grateful that you took the time to address this important issue.

I can only speak on my behalf: I am not running for the Board of Directors out of a general interest in making a positive impact in the club. In whatever role I have - whether I am elected or not - I will work hard to strengthen and advance the interests of NEOC. I am running for the Board because I want to address particular problems and challenges the club is facing. I am very grateful for all the hard work everyone who has served on the board in the past has invested, but more must be done. I imagine many of the candidates have similar, focused objectives.

The situation is this: there are at least eight candidates (Barb, Jim, Peter Frykman, Andy, Dan, Sam, Peter Amram, and myself) and five positions for election. I have not seen any proposals to increase the size of the Board; I certainly do not advocate that course for many of the reasons Pete and others have enumerated. However, I don't see what the problem is - the whole point of elections is selecting by popular vote k positions from k+n candidates.

I do not understand why a nominating committee exists in the NEOC elections process. My impression is that in the past, it has been difficult to find sufficiently many candidates, and that the function of the committee was to drum up interest and recruit individuals to run for office. If the existence and role of the nominating committee is an official component of the NEOC elections process, then we are required to use its function for now. It is my intent to see that changed explicitly in the bylaws.

My problem with the situation is two-fold:
1. My expectation was that the list of incumbents and new candidates would be presented to the club membership at the AGM and the positions would be filled by some predefined voting method. Instead, I find that without reference to documentation and without description of process in the bylaws, a nominating committee has the power to summarily dismiss not only candidates but also sitting board members from consideration for reelection. The official AGM announcement did not even mention that there were other candidates. I find it particularly disturbing that Sam, a sitting board member, was deliberately excluded from announcement. I reject that the board has the authority to do this, and if I am mistaken, then I propose that power be removed.

2. If this process is in fact the mechanism by which NEOC is required to run as per bylaws or articles of incorporation, then it should have been documented and heavily publicized. I attended the Board meeting in May and heard nothing of this process. That Sam was unaware of this mechanism also suggests impropriety and inconsistency with existing policy. As you say, communication has been insufficient.

I initiated the attackpoint thread (which can be found here: http://attackpoint.org/discussionthread.jsp/messag... ) because it was my impression that the club membership was unaware of this sequence of events. It was and is my intention to contest the proposed slate of candidates at the AGM not because of any grievance I have against the individuals selected (indeed, I hold them all in high esteem), but because of the flagrant inconsistencies with the principle of a democratically elected board. I sought to confirm whether this was the official policy, which motivated an inspection of the bylaws (available here, posted by Barb: http://docs.google.com/View?id=d3fxxpq_169c6bh82g2 ). I can find nothing in the bylaws that gives the board this power.

With respect to those of Pete's remarks I did not address:
The rate of turnover is a legitimate consideration, but unless power is explicitly granted to the Board to regulate that (i.e. through an explicit, publicized Nominating Committee mechanism in the bylaws), I do not see that the Board has the authority to select candidates.

Regarding your recommendations:
- I heartily agree the Board size should be kept at 9, though this is a power explicitly granted to the Board in the Bylaws section 5.1 (so my opinion doesn't actually matter).

- Because the existence and mechanism of the Nominating Committee does not exist in the official documentation (please correct me if I am wrong), I urge the Board to categorically reject the recommendations of the Nominating Committe and present all candidates who have expressed interest in running for the Board equally at the AGM.

- It is my intent to run for membership on the Board of Directors. I have considered and appreciate your recommendation that I decline nomination, and I reject it. I leave it to the club membership to decide whether they would like me to serve on the Board of Directors, but there are many problems that I would like to solve, and I am convinced that Board membership is the appropriate way to approach these problems. I would also encourage Sam to run for reelection. If any other individuals have expressed interest in running for the board, I encourage them to submit their biographies.

I look forward to seeing this issue resolved. Open, democratic elections are in the best interest of the club. I have intended none of my remarks in a personal light, both on attackpoint and through e-mail. I am so fervent about this issue because what could be more important to a community organization than open, transparent election of leadership? It is also my intention to post this to my attackpoint log.

I urge the board to publicly provide a complete transparent description of events to this point and their efforts to resolve this problem as soon as humanly possible. All candidate biographies should be sent out to the community immediately.

Regards,
Ian Smith

C • Turnover 3

On the NEOC Board:

While I often share personal insights and observations with the broader AP community, I have reservations about comments about other parties. Ultimately, my log is a forum open to the community, and this requires a measure of restraint. However, NEOC is a 501(c) organization, and its policies and actions are on behalf of the membership and indirectly affect the community. I also have a request to make of any of you who are NEOC members; it is for these reasons that I post the following.

I am still collecting information pertaining to this episode, but I will summarize what I know. The nine members of the Board of Directors are elected for two year terms, and five are up for reelection this year. I know of at least eight people who have announced their candidacy for these positions, including several incumbents.

Apparently what has happened is that the NEOC Nominating Committee has chosen five individuals from among the candidates who will be submitted for ratification at the General Meeting on Sunday, 13 June. Put another way, to my understanding the General Meeting will not have an election - it will consist of a vote of approval for the Nominating Committees selections. In a recent e-mail to the membership of NEOC, the five biographies of the selected individuals were published and no mention was made of the other candidates.

I was not aware when I announced my candidacy for the NEOC Board (to the board, on 25 May) that this was the election process. I have not seen the bylaws, I do not know who is on the selection committee, and I do not know what metrics they use for selection. I am frustrated by the total lack of transparency in the selection process, and I am outraged that Samantha Saeger, an incumbent member of the board running for reelection, is not among the selected candidates.

In all candor, it would not surprise me if I were not elected; I am new to orienteering, I am not widely known, and I am a CSU primary. However, this is not an election; a selected board is entirely unacceptable for an organization like NEOC, particularly when there is no transparency. To dismiss Sam, one of the best and most active North American orienteers, who has made innumerable contributions to NEOC and is a valuable member of the leadership team, is inexcusable. While technical expertise is not the only measure for leadership, how many WOC finals do you have to make to be considered for the Board? How many dogged recruiting efforts by CSU do you have to resist to prove your loyalty to your club (don't think we haven't tried)? How much work do you have to do for a club to merit consideration?

While I intend to get to the bottom of this selection mechanism and fix this intolerable problem, the General Meeting is three days away. My understanding is that candidates not selected to the ballot can be written in during the voting process. I ask all of you who can come to the General Meeting (Sunday 13 June, 12 PM, Menotomy Rocks Park) to attend and vote for Samantha Saeger. If you believe I merit selection, I also ask you to write my name in.

I will publish any information (and corrections, if I have written in error) I learn about this situation to AP. I do not know everyone who has announced their candidacy for the Board; if you are a candidate who was not listed, please post your bio here. Thanks for your time.

C • So a few things. Thanks for... 9

A late evening run. I had planned to go on my usual fare - a 40 to 50 minute run at 5 min/km. Conditions were excellent, with a light drizzle and a temperature of 13 C, but I found myself completely devoid of energy. Even sustaining a 6 min/km pace was taxing. I tried to adjust my breathing, to loosen up, to get my blood pumping, but nothing seemed to work. Fifteen minutes in, finding going on increasingly difficult, I aborted and walked back through Harvard Square before jogging home.

I suspect diet, lack of sleep, or dehydration are likely contributors. I hope I haven't acquired an illness. I suppose emotional fatigue due to the present NEOC Board elections could be exacerbating my circumstances.

Project Bostonian 2011

"Ian" can be used as a suffix to make puns. I have lived in Boston since I came here for college in 2003. I do not know what the future holds (and will eventually have to make decisions in that regard), so it seems appropriate to take advantage of the opportunities this city affords while I still live here.

I envision the next year as an 11 month training season for the 2011 US Orienteering Team Trials. I need to increase my volume and build my fitness to prepare for a season of speedwork in the winter and spring. It is for those two reasons that I have decided to train for a marathon with the objective of qualifying for Boston. Based on geography and timing, I am planning to run in the 2010 Hartford marathon on Saturday 9 October 2010.

In the past 5 months, I have averaged 15.5 miles of running per week - with a monthly maximum of January with 25.1 mpw and a monthly minimum of April with 8.2 mpw. I have averaged 45 minutes of orienteering, biking, and running training per day. Some of my activity has been limited by illness, minor injury, and a busy work schedule. This is not enough to be competitive. I hope to increase to the neighborhood of 40 miles per week by the end of the year.

On 21 March, I ran the New Bedford half marathon in 1:31:27 with essentially no training beyond my (weak) orienteering regimen. While running that race twice consecutively - which would be necessary to run a marathon in a qualifying 3:10 - will be difficult, I believe it is reasonably attainable if I am consistent with my training.

I have not yet settled on a training plan. It will require some flexibility, because I will be doing orienteering training and cross training this summer, but I am optimistic. I have had many things preoccupying my thoughts for the past two months, and a goal like a marathon will be a welcome distraction from the dark recesses of my psyche. My intentions at present are to run two marathons - Hartford 2010 and Boston 2011 - then retire from marathon running. Pounding out miles on the road seems like an invitation for injury, and I prefer orienteering anyway. I want to run it because it is there, because I want to see if I am strong enough to overcome this hurdle, because it will open new social avenues, and because it will make a great story when I am older.

I went on a slow evening recovery run in the aftermath of my 5k trial yesterday. While my legs feel great, I seem to have tweaked by my left soleus and a muscle on the outside of my right butt. If I stand with my right leg straight and bend my left knee so as to push my right hip out, I feel a shooting pain in my hip. It was less painful though still tender after my run, and I don't expect it will interfere with anything but high intensity training. I will focus on base work for the next two weeks as I start my marathon training regimen.

I started a new audiobook - The Warded Man, by Peter Brett. I stumbled upon it quite accidentally while browsing frequently purchased and highly rated audiobooks on Audible. It seem to have been highly acclaimed; we shall see if it is any good. The book is long - over 18 hours, so it promises to be good running motivation. Also, unlike The Name of the Wind (to my great chagrin), the sequel has already been published.

Run to the MIT Track.

Warmup, strides, and drills with the posse.

A subset of the CSU posse met at the MIT Track for a 5k time trial; in attendance were Ross, Brendan, Clem, Dasha, Giovanni, Katia, and myself. I ran in running shorts and my track flats; I discarded my sleeveless top after the first mile. I also ran with Podrunner techno - the 172 bpm "Heaven's Gait" track; the techno really helped me keep my focus and keep driving forward. I think that for intensities like a time trial, an even faster cadence would be better - perhaps 176 bpm.

After a 20 minute run to the track, I joined everyone in some quick drills and 1 km of 100m strides/100m rest. I started the 5k about five seconds after everyone because I was struggling to get my headphones in my ears. I thought a reasonable goal was 18:45 - 90 second 400s throughout. I tend to start too fast, so I deliberately set a relaxed pace at the beginning. I ended up sticking to that pace and had considerable stamina at the end.

Brendan and Clem started at a good pace for me. I set about catching up to them, and I was even with them after the first kilometer. After the first mile, Brendan (who was leading) started slowing a bit, so I pulled ahead and tried to sustain my pace. I threw myself into the last 600, running slightly slower than Nate Lyons' recent 800 PR (for comparison).

While I was instantaneously exhausted after the run, in general I feel much better than I did after my 3k efforts. Either the distance is more suitable (unlikely, given that I prefer shorter distances), or I wasn't pushing hard enough. My right calf felt discomforted before the run; on a healthy leg, I'm quite confident I can run under 18:45. I think 18:30 is attainable given my current fitness, and I mean to run under 18:00 before the end of 2010. I plan to run another 5k before the end of June if anyone is interested in joining me.

After the time trial, Brendan and I went to the Desi Dhaba Indian Restaurant near Central Square. A hearty meal was very satisfying; we discussed various projects we're working on, the dynamics of O-club board, mapping circumstances, and IRAs. I then ran home while he biked to lab. I felt a bit out of place in a well furnished restaurant wearing flats, running shorts, and a sleeveless top.

5K - Splits

Event: US Team Official 5K time trial (the first of two trials in 2010)
 

Event: Nobscot
 

NEOC C-meet at Nobscot Reservation, Sudbury MA Red course - 6.1 km advertised. While my run was reasonably quick (8 minutes back of Ross), I was not pleased with the quality of my orienteering. I struggled getting into the map and the beginning, and I relied too heavily on handrails rather than actually thinking like an orienteer. I was happy to break 50 minutes - a goal I set about halfway through the race.

While I am uninjured, my lower legs felt unspectacular and heavy. I think not think through my routes enough, notably at 3 - when I went left and unnecessarily punched through thick green. I failed to read ahead adequately, particularly on a course with few technical challenges. While I was clean and fast to six, I thought the control was set lower, on an unmapped boulder cluster. It was below the stone wall I used to attack.

I floundered on 7-8. I intended to use the stone wall junction just north of 8 as my attackpoint, so I went slightly left of the line, aiming to go up the reentrant and the hillside. However, I was pushed quite far to the left, eventually reaching the junction of the trail and NE-SW stone wall. I was confused for a time before I put things together; I estimate I lost about 90 seconds.

After the race, I was planning on going strawberry picking, but I had a discussion with Bob Dangel about my candidacy for the NEOC Board and the views of swing voters. After I finished, the strawberry posse had already departed. Had transportation not been a factor, I would have stayed and run a second course.

Next time: more visualization and concentration before the race, better planning during the race, and more frequent and better glances at my map.

Sometimes I feel like Lindsey Jacobellis.

C • #6 3

Red - Splits

We retired from rock climbing for some boggle with Alex and Ed. After an eventful night (and Alex's victory), the T had concluded operations, so I ran home. Unfortunately, I didn't remember the most efficient route, so I traveled an extra 2 km. There was a light drizzle and some heat lightning to the north, which set a striking and powerful backdrop to the run. I ran through several inebriated and frolicking groups on Beacon St, but was fortunately unmolested. A short time after I returned, the heavens opened and a torrential, though brief, downpour struck Cambridge.

Some people propose absolutely insane research projects, and some even crazier people volunteer for them.

C • Insane projects 2

Ross, Sam, Boris and Kat graciously invited people to attend their rock climbing plans in Dedham. The facility was about a kilometer from the Readville commuter rail stop. Sam and I lacked belaying experience, so an instructor named Ian gave his rehearsed lesson that reminded me of the tone of voice of flight attendants reciting safety procedures. It was quite amusing, and Sam and I were quickly prepared.

My technique is inefficient; I don't use my legs enough and my arm technique relies too much on brute strength rather than leverage, and I waste valuable strength in awkward positions. I successfully climbed several 5.6 climbs, and tried a few 5.8s. Ian had put Sam and I on a 5.10 to compel us to fall unexpectedly. I was fresh at the start, and made good progress. I think that I might have been able to reach the top, but there were some difficult problems ahead. At the end of the night, I had difficulty lifting my arms over my head, and my forearms were tight from gripping holds. Kat had the greatest stamina and technical skill out of our group. The experience was quite pleasant, and I mean to go climbing again sometime this summer.

Event: CSU Park-O: Boston Common
 

The 8th CSU Park-O at Boston Common, set by Lori. She set an interesting course that made good use of what challenges exist at the Common. There were many changes of direction; while the orienteering is trivial, it's a decent and very conspicuous sprint location.

Conditions were extremely rainy, with a massive cloudburst just as I arrived. Several orienteers including Ali, Kat, and Alex ran during a torrential downpour. By the time I started, the rain had essentially stopped, though I was completely soaked and the ground was waterlogged. Because of the rain, I didn't warm up at all, and felt a bit out of sorts at the beginning. I ran in tights and my running shoes (which are actually trail runners); I think shorts and X-talons would have improved my performance somewhat.

Apart from some hesitation (15s) at control 8 (at which I had to hop over a bike), I had a fairly clean course and a solid run.

As we waited around for everyone to finish, I decided to run the course again and get somewhat more bang for my buck out of the excursion. I accidentally stopped my watch instead of taking a split at control 17, but I restarted it just before 18. Accounting for this, I was only a few seconds slower on my second run - on which I made fewer errors (8 and 11). A gate SGB pointed out en route to 16 turned out to be locked; maybe he jumped the fence?

After the successful conclusion to the 2010 Park-O season, fifteen of us ordered and ate Taiwanese (Republic of Chinese) food at Alex's office and held a planning meeting for the summer. While I admire the ambition of planning two (or sometimes three) activities in a week, I doubt our hardy group will have the stamina to hold to the schedule. Just thinking about it makes me feel burned out. Nevertheless, we have many quality training sessions to anticipate, and we welcome anyone interested in joining us. During dinner, I secluded myself on a sofa after my chair was usurped twice and inadvertently suggested Brendan's joints don't move. It's good to preface remarks like that with context (e.g. 'do you sleep with contracted joints').

- Splits

- Splits

I choose to write the following because I want to record my instantaneous thoughts. It is effectively public because I want to be understood and solicit feedback and observations from my friends and colleagues. I think that is one of the advantages of blogging - it enables exposition to a wide audience, even if that audience is small, uninterested, or unknown to the author.

On worldviews:
When I was a teenager, I formulated two axioms about how I wanted to live my life:

1. The primary objective I have in life is to understand the nature of life - a sufficient understanding of reality, an understanding of my relationship to other people, an inquiry into the existence of God (as many posit it) and my relationship to it. There are many questions to answer; I see my objective in life as answering those questions (in addition to living, caring for other people, and so on).

2. Everyone is faced with the challenge from (1). The conclusions we arrive at are personal; we do not have a robust way of identifying truth, and so it is a corollary of an underlying assumption about the value and equality of people that we each respect the conclusions others arrive at.

The cornerstone of the Christian faith is the Bible. The Bible is the set of axioms on which Christianity is built like a logical system. There is no other reliable source of knowledge - our own insights are too vague and weak to support Christianity. If the Bible is not true, it is impossible to assert what is true within the Christian worldview; it becomes nothing more than speculation. As I wrote in 2006:

If it [the Bible] is not true, then we Christians are pretty screwed up and lost. Otherwise, how can we have assurance that Jesus is the only way to God? That our salvation is based on faith in what Jesus did and not on how good we are? What can we know?

The Bible offers a theory to describe reality, much like quantum mechanics is a theory to describe the behavior of matter and energy. As with any theory, it is necessary that the theory be consistent with our own observations. When I was finishing high school, I accepted the Christian worldview for the following four reasons:

1. Much of the Bible's commentary on the human condition was consistent with my own experiences
2. There was corroborating evidence with the Bible - for example, the historical accounts from the Old Testament were consistent with archaeological findings in the Middle East, offering a basis of credibility.
3. The Bible itself seemed to offer much wisdom and insight into who we are. The conclusion and mandate that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves seemed good to me.
4. The explanation of existence, of God, and of our relationship to it were satisfying.

I always qualified my acceptance of the Bible. For instance, I always concluded that Genesis was metaphorical, because the creationist hypothesis did not seem remotely consistent with what I observed. I also posited that some mandates in the Bible must be qualified as ceremonial or cultural law - for instance, almost everything in Leviticus and Deuteronomy, and many things from the New Testament, particularly with respect to women - as opposed to absolute or moral law. Certainly not every action falls into the domain of a moral choice. But the existence of an absolute morality resonated with me and seemed consistent with my own experience.

Adopting the Christian worldview gave me more questions than answers. I struggled with the notion of Divine Foreknowledge - what is the nature of God's omniscience? Does it have a probabilistic knowledge of the future, i.e. knowing every quantum state? Does it have complete knowledge of all actions and events? Or, in the extreme (Calvinist) view, does it know everything because it designed events to come to pass? I have mused on that question for the past eight years without great insight. I reflected on the problem of pain in the world, and the implication for God's supposed benevolence. I mused on death, the afterlife, the notion of the consequence of God's justice, and the nature of salvation through grace. I reflected on corollaries of moral policy and the legal application of a moral system; I thought about abortion, about the rights of homosexuals, about national policy and the supposition that we are a Christian nation.

I have never held to a particular school of thinking - I accepted that God exists, that we have defied it, that the consequence because of God's character and justice is Death, and that through the grace of Jesus Christ, that consequence might be commuted. On everything else, and even those points, I questioned what I believed.

1 Peter 3:15 says "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." I needed to be able to justify what I believed. That and one other question motivated me: What would I think was true had I grown up somewhere else? After many long years, many discussions with others on what they believed, I found myself unable to convincingly answer the question: why do I believe?

I can no longer see past the inconsistencies I note in the Bible; I can no longer assume that there exists an explanation to the questions I have examined without success. It is not that I think the Christian worldview is false; I simply am unconvinced it is true.

It turns out that this does not significantly change my approach to life. I still adhere to the axioms of my youth - that I must seek out the truth about existence. I don't think it changes how I treat people, because I always sought to corroborate my actions and beliefs with what I observed. Treating other people with compassion, love (agape, e.g.), and benevolence is an excellent way to live. There do exist some behaviors, especially some powerful conclusions, that I would change with my revised thoughts about existence. For those whom I affected in that way, I am sorry for the hurt I caused you. I have always and will continue to enjoy conversing with people about what they believe and what I believe in a free, open exchange of ideas; that is not a corollary of my faith. Proselytizing has ever been abhorrent to me, and a contradiction of my second axiom.

I still have many questions, and I probably will until the day I die. But would be worth living if that were not the case? I welcome feedback and discussion, and I commend the brave among you who have read this far.

C • I think it takes a tremendo... 9

C • congratulations! 4

After a week long training hiatus to rest from ARDF and my injury with the fence at the Bear Hill Park-O, I decided to forgo the CSU interval workout and test out my legs on an easy run around Fresh Pond. At first, my right calf felt tight, but it loosened up as the run went on. My left quad, which was the site of the impact injury at Bear Hill, was untroubled throughout the run. I tried to relax and adhere to an easy pace, but I did catch myself pushing sometimes, despite my 4/4 breathing rate.

The sun was low in the sky as I was running, and Fresh Pond was absolutely beautiful. The vista and the reassuring calm I felt made me want to write poetry and wax eloquent about the human condition.

It should be noted that apparently Vadim ordered long-sleeved shirts for the US ARDF team. Assuming he ordered me one, I will likely modify it to better suit my ventilation needs. The only US jersey I own is signed by Thierry Gueorgiou among others, and I don't plan to run in it. Does anyone have a US men's medium or large jersey they would be willing to loan or sell me (from any year)?