Discussion: The truth about the Masai Warrior?

Warnings --
1. Do not read this if you are under 21 or of a sensitive nature. There are some foul words, disgusting images, and lewd thoughts.
2. It is not at all clear how this happened to be on my computer, but there it was. It might have come from a certain Mr. Fox. It might have come from Masai Warrior himself. It might have come from the beautiful Ms. K. It might have rolled off my own fingertips duing a post-rogaine, late-night, semi-awake, semi-asleep daze.
3. There is no reason to believe any of it is true. There is also no reason to believe any of it is not true.
4. My own personal opinion is that becoming a full-time Masai Warrior is about as appealing as undergoing a trans-gender operation, not that there is anything wrong with that.

----------------------------

I decided to rededicate my life to, as fully as is possible, become the compleat Masai warrior. As far as I can tell--and I am almost sure about this--virtually no Masai spend any time at all posting logs at Attack Point (or anywhere else.)

It sounds glamorous, but really it isn't. First of all, most of the day is spent doing stuff like building thorn fences, and that's hard work. It's really hot on the veldt and while there are no fucking deer flies, there are fucking tsetse flies and when one of them bites, you wish you had maybe been kicked by a mule instead.

If you're not building thorn fences, then probably you are tending the cattle. Frankly, if you're going to spend that much time with cattle, then you might as well become Texan and get yourself a spread down there, but that's not how the Masai warrior does it. I have once or twice suggested we just feed the damn cattle to the lions and get it over with, but the response so far has been about like the response I got anytime I made a suggestion for the US Team, which is to say unfavorable. When the other guys all are well armed with really sharp spears, you quickly learn to squelch suggestions of any sort. You also don't want to do anything that puts them in mind of any manly initiation rites, to say the least.

The food isn't much either. Mostly we eat a mixture of milk and clotted cattle blood, and the procedure for getting the meal together is a little messy. The taste is hard to describe but I will do so anyhow with a single word, which is: yuck. Just imagine how bad things can taste during a low point in a 100 miler, and that's how the milk and clotted blood tastes when it's prepared *really* well.

On the upside, we do get to go on the occasional cattle raid, and, if we're successful, the women get really friendly! Well, that's what they tell me, because so far none of our raids have been successful, though one time we did wind up in an ice cream shop at the mall. The Masai women have the best, longest legs you can imagine and are probably the most beautiful women you will see anywhere in the world outside of Austin, which, of course, is down in Texas and is my kind of town.

Maasai language/cooking lesson...
o-sárg-e ‘Blood’.
o-sáróí ‘Curdled milk mixed with blood’.
nailángà ‘Fresh milk mixed with blood’.
n-julótì [North] ‘Stirred blood mixed with milk’.
n-carlúgì [North] ‘Unstirred blood mixed with milk’.
n-tîs [North] ‘Blood mixed with milk and then stirred together’.
m-póróí [North] ‘Roasted clotted blood’.
púpóí ‘Boiled blood’.
im-púpûô. n pl. Heated blood mixed with sugar and often some milk, then dried to preserve it for a few days. When dry, it may then be crushed. It is given to children as a treat when their mother gives birth, and as a way for them to "receive" their new sibling. It may also be taken by women who have just given birth or who are newly initiated. It is not taken by older men or warriors. Im-púpùò is generally not used in the singular. But the singular (perhaps em-púpuoi?) would be interpreted as referring to one block or piece.

and that's a quote...

The Masai Warrior needs a name that will capture his essence. What is the Masai word for "fierce fighter with too much time on his hands" or "warrior with milk-blood mustache who always ogles our long legs"?

What about "the man who wanted to be invincible, but became invisible and slurped his own blood by mistake."

I had been figuring that Masai Warrior was this guy who was interviewed in the Team News back around the early 1990s, and I was going to scan the interview and post it, but I seem to have lost that issue. But jeez, does he really think that the Masai women are more beautiful than what you might find in Stafford?

Do you mean the famous African Bushman and Orienteer, Mr. Agumba Kawanga? Do you mean this interview (page 1, page 2)?

Interesting how AK and MW talk in a similar fashion. Is it possible they went to the same school or even had the same nanny? Or even are one and the same person? And if that is the case, and you consider that this interview was conducted in July, 1989, when AK was already clearly of some experience, then how old does that make MW now? Nearly 50? And thinking what the life expectency of the average masai warrior is, goodness, MW may be down to his last few days.

Best to roast him while we still can....

That's him, Mr. Kawanga! But hmm, Bushman, not Masai. Hard to know. I don't recall ever seeing the advertised second interview, about equipment.

Maybe it's just my hyperliberal overly-politically-correct sensibilities, but I find both the Bushman and Masai jokes in pretty poor taste.

Thank heavens! Nothing slips by feet. But, you have to admit, nearly everything around here is in pretty poor taste.

maasai language lesson no joke. Did you know the maasai language is tonal, similar to mandarin & cantonese? Fascinating stuff ! Attackpoint always broadens my horizons...

"run and make wind through hair" does not sound like familiar warrior.

Peter, always pleased to see you getting touch with your inner Neanderthal.

my grandmother used to do stirred blood and milk... up the back yard with the hatchet, chase down a goose or hen or whatever (common forms of payment for doctors back in the days), a sometimes swift and successful decapitation (a bucket helps here), a maid with a basin and the milk and it's quickly done...

although the masai are probably only bleeding their cows...